Hello everyone, I know its been quite awhile since my last post the Holidays were a whirlwind and getting ready for my upcoming tradeshow in Atlanta has made it impossible to post anything. I did want to post something about what 2009 has meant to me. I have been mulling over this for the past few days now and have come to a couple conclusions about this past year.
2009 will go down for me as one of the hardest years both mentally and physically and has challenged every aspect of what and who I think I am in this world we live in. Yes I know it all sound so dramatic but really its true! I began the year with a goal to get myself back into shape and while it was no easy task with my work schedule and family I did make this resolution come true. I found my inner jock again and Tony Horton became my God of choice. P90x was the catslyst to all things to come as far as working out hard. I offically was in in love with Tony Horton, his enthusiasm and genuine spirit would turn any lazy person into a hard body before you know it.
As the year progressed I was still dealing with work issues, which was the jobs/clients were not there as they had been in the past. I already was seeing a downward turn of the economy way before 2009 and I knew it was only going to get worse, and it did. Since much of what I do relies on retail, I could see that retail was hurting well before the serious crash. Many companies I work with were either merging or folding, so work became more and more scarce. Then there in lies my biggest issue of 2009... and this is a question that has been started to be talked about with many people over the internet.
This great question was posted by the Social Media/ Marketing expert Liz Strauss..
How do you know who you are away from the noise of other people?
This question was huge for me because it of this reason, so much of what I do is a part of who I am and how I function, so the noise is hard to turn off. Since I am an artist and have been for as long as I can remember its hard to separate me from the work. My work is really me and so when you take that and mix it with business it becomes this endless cycle of wanting companies to like it therefore like me.
I can honestly say for the first time in a very long time I questioned my work and myself and it was hard to sit there day in and day out thinking that I suck because I wasn't getting the jobs. I can take criticism on my work any day of the week, but to not get work I cannot take. I have never been this low in all my days as an artist and frankly I don't think I ever want to go back there again.... So back to the noise question, how do I know who I am without the noise?? Well this is what I had to figure out this year!
Funny but I really think it had allot to do with Facebook and getting reconnected to old friends and boyfriends that did it for me. I had to go back to my past to figure it all out again!! I know I have some friends saying "why are you going back to your past?" Let it go!! What they don't realize is that in order to move into the future you have to figure out what it is from the past that is holding you back.. and boy did I get a handful on this one.. almost too much to bare I would say. I went there and then some and actually I am glad I did.. because I got some closure on things that I thought I was over but really wasn't, and when that happens you feel so free I cannot tell you.
I think the best thing of the whole Facebook thing was getting to reconnect with those friends whom I missed so much and wasn't able to see. I had a great time getting to know my old college roomate again when I went to LA and if thats all I got from Facebook well then I am satisfied. I think the conversation we had that night just summed it all up for me why I am so driven and why I am a control freak.. Thanks Heather, you hit the nail on the head, and I was blown away!!
So yes it was a rollercoaster of emotions for me this year and rightly so.. especially since I was going through some personal issues when it all started.In conclusion though I would have to say I grew allot this year, I learned to find my old self again.. to be a little selfish and take care of myself. I learned that it wasn't me that the clients didn't like it was the fact there just wasn't any work because the economy wasn't there ( and I know your laughing at this but I thought even in a bad economy I was above the rest!). I found my inner jock and then some!! I had recently finished the craziest workout program of all- INSANITY by Shaun T!! Now that is insane and I mean it- if you can do this program you rock!! I am hooked on this man- he is crazy and I love him!!
So this is what I know about myself without the noise of other people.. I know that I am not a mother, daughter, sister, friend, artist, colleague...
I am a person of Integrity, skill, compassion, laughter, adventure and honesty.. and the rest I am working on.
Who are you when the voices are turned off??
I am so looking forward to 2010 and all that it will bring. I am going to go into this year with a new sense of self- confidence and strength that nothing and no one can stop me.. yes 2010 will be the year I am un-stoppable!!
Have a healthy Happy New Year all and I will see you in..
2010!!!
xoxoxox
Ellen
